The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
