He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
