I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
