Swine flu is the new snow day.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I love you. Go after that dick
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
