This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
