you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We left an ass print on the piano.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
