Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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