wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
