ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
