You made me cry and you don't even care
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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