i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
