i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
sex in a hospital.. check
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
