and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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