she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize