I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize