can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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