we're blogging at a bar
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You can't motorboat a personality
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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