just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I met the friendliest cop last night
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
