People with herpes should wear stickers.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Houston, we have a squirter
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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