Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize