Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
