after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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