My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
