I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize