Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
