Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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