I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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