I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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