You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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