help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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