I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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