talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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