I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
