Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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