I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
