...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
