Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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