Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
