That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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