so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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