She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
