so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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