We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Everclear isn't food dammit
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
