Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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