tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
