He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
