My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
