Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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