We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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