They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
