I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
