turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
