So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I think my moral compass just broke
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