My room smells like vodka and shame
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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