Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize