I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
