She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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