I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
