Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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