oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
