hotel room ftw
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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