Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize