I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Still dying that you shit outside
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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